Emotional Fog

I’m going home tomorrow for 3-weeks after 18 months of living in Madrid. I should be on an emotional high but for the last 3-4 days, I’ve been an emotional wreck. I don’t understand why and that’s just adding to feeling low.

I’ve been crying over nothing. Snapping at people for no reason. Getting upset at people for no reason. I’ve been quiet and kept to myself. I’ve had a perpetual headache and no appetite.

I’ve always considered myself a strong person, but today I’m ashamed of feeling so weak and fragile without being able to think why. The feeling seems invalid because I can’t find the root. I just want to crawl into a warm shell. I’m not okay. I feel this ridiculous need of wanting to be taken care of. But nothing has happened! My life is the same!

Perhaps all my trapped emotions over the last year are now flowing out at once. Perhaps I’m subconsciously stressed about going home, about talking about my life, about talking about my future, about confronting how I feel about Dubai when I get there, about confronting how I feel about Madrid from outside it. About all the uncertainties in my life, about all the instabilities in my life.

But how can a short trip home after a long period of time trigger such a strange and strong feeling of being overwhelmed? I really don’t get it.

I hope to find that warm shell on my parent’s couch.

4 thoughts on “Emotional Fog

  1. Cheer up! I’d love to travel as much as you are… Enjoy…

  2. You have a safe journey and take care..

    I have posted a scrap on orkut for you

  3. Sorry to hear you’re feeling down. I think three weeks out of your new life will give you perspective, although perspective is not always an easy thing to take. Spend some time figuring out why you’re reacting this way, why you left Dubai in the first place, and why you came here.

    Oh, and I have to agree with Nuri. You have a far better life than a lot of people! My life’s pretty good too, and while I do my fair share of complaining (bloody publishers!) I try to remember to be grateful.

  4. hey…so you’re comin home….if ever you could even consider this place a home…..

    but look on the bright side…..
    1. u’ll get a lot of superficiality (is that even a word??)….

    2. people who havent been in touch sayin “Call me, we’ll do coffee” an then u never see em….at least for the time u here….

    3. U’ll meet all the uncles an aunties and NEIGHBOURS…..who will beta u…..an kinda give u that Accha after u TRY an explain yourself to them for the hundreth time…..

    4. Crazy drivers on the road…

    5. Mum’s food….which i’m sure is extremely tasty……

    6. Jabal Al Noor or Al Mallah late night burgers…..uggghhhh 🙂

    7. U can go to this new CLUB ENVY place…..which lets you in depending on how u look….so “u can be the ENVY of all your friends”….well thats what the tagline says…..i’m first in line….hahahahaha

    8. Some Q-time with the folks….plus u dont have to do the cookin or the laundry at least for the time u here……

    So yeah…..tried to make it a top-10 good reasons u comin back…..dont know if the List was accurate but hope u smilin thru this yeah…..see u soon…..
    So yeah….

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