It’s never too late…

Me dancing with Mohammed at a milonga. Picture courtesy Cesar Jaramillo from Latin Soul.

Me dancing with Mohammed at a milonga. Picture courtesy Cesar Jaramillo from Latin Soul.

The Tango community in Dubai is made of some really awesome and unique people. It’s like a big family with members from all over the world, that don’t really have much in common apart from their love of Tango.  In fact, I see them more than I do my own family!

There is one particular couple that inspires me every time I see them: Mohammed and Mary, an Iranian couple, married for around 50 years. Mohammed is almost 80, and Mary is a few years younger. They started learning Tango only five years ago. Today they do shows, still take classes, travel to Tango festivals, and are the life of many milongas.

Their hearts are young, their energy is vibrant, and they are clearly still wonderfully in love. They embody the spirit of dance: full of soul, spreading happiness, and ageless. I hope to be like them 50 years from now.

So do everything you want to. I’m 34 and have just started learning ballet – the average age ballet dancers quit dancing. Sometimes I feel a bit ridiculous in class when 15 year olds talk to me about their day at school before we begin dancing. But I love it, and I don’t care. And people like Mohammed and Mary, remind me that I shouldn’t care. It’s never too late to learn anything.

#Day 4, post 4.

So, here I am…

After a manic few months, this week is the first time I’ve had the luxury of being a little lazy at work.

Laziness at work = guilt, so hell, let’s at least blog 🙂

Not much significant has happened to me lately. Oh I did move into my own apartment.  The bliss.  It’s so great to have your own space, walk around in your underwear, eat straight out of the cooking pan, and not do the dishes if you don’t feel like it.  It’s so easy to forget about little joys. Add to that some microwave-warmed caramel Digestive biscuits and those little joys turn into inspiration that makes you want to conquer the world. Well, not quite but you get the gist. (NB: do not put the biscuits in the microwave for more than 30 seconds, they will burn and smoke up your entire house and yes, the fire alarm will go off).

Socially, I’ve been rather subdued too. The odd crazy night out at Dubai’s *happening* clubs reminds me why I prefer staying at home and watching Brothers & Sisters while eating burnt popcorn.

Lots of thoughts have been brewing inside me lately, although none of them seem to be evolving into anything. They’ve been strong enough to feel, but not strong enough to react to.

I read these lines on a blog today and at this undefined point in my life, I identified with them strongly:

I am undetermined.

I have an urge for performance.

I like to do things by myself.

I like to listen to others stories, rather than tell my own.

I don’t like being alone. I don’t like socializing, but I’m not an introvert.

I’m too slack to think. I tell myself : “There is nothing to worry about. I should just seize the moment and enjoy myself.”

Right. I don’t know what it means that I feel the above. I’m neutral that I feel it. But I have a strange throbbing instinct that something is going to come of it all.

These thoughts may be ephemeral and shallow. But they could also be profound, volatile and revealing. Maybe they are just marking the fact that I’m getting older, maybe even growing up – finally! I really don’t know. But what I do know is that, for once, I’m just going let myself be.

So, yeah…

I wrote my last post on vagablogging a few days ago, you can read it here. It doesn’t really say much but hey, it’s the last squeak from my vagabonding life.

Thanks to all the readers who wrote me emails saying that they liked my posts and will miss them! It’s so great to hear from people who have connected with you because of what you wrote. They’ve encouraged me to focus on getting my act together and write things beyond rants. Which has been the plan, and is the plan, but I’ve just been sitting on it. Writing anything of remote significance takes the back of the back burner when you’ve worked 10 hours in an office infront of a computer brewing strategy presentations.

For the last two weeks I’ve been waking up every morning thinking: tonight I’m going to go for a run and write a good blog post. I come come every evening thinking: no effing way. I’m going to eat some ice-cream and watch One Tree Hill (that soppy Dawson Creek style teenage drama that comes on channel One).

So I haven’t written about Slumdog Millionaire; hell, I haven’t seen it yet. Pure curiosity and amazement made me clip numerous articles on the Satyam and Madoff scandals; I was to put them together and write a piece attempting to be an investigative journalist. Hasn’t happened either. And Obama taking his seat? Well that I just didn’t want to write about. I’m thrilled about him and a core member of the “infatuated by Obama” group, but so are over 300 million people. For the last 2 months I’ve been reading a collosal amount of stuff on social media and its impact on society and marketing. My mind is suffering from information overload about that, so once I have the capacity to process the info, perhaps I will whip out a post.

I’m not far away from achieving the my resolution of reading 2 books a month. I read the White Tiger and am almost done with Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture. If you haven’t already seen Randy’s Last Lecture video, watch it here — goosebumps I tell you.

I’ve cut off ties with people who I’ve known forever but who choose to revel in their ego and treat others like toilet paper. Nothing is worth being subject to undeserved disrespect, a lesson that has taken me a long time to learn. Some people just don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt. Anyhoo.

Man, I wish I could write like her.

Alright, it’s midnight, I’m tired and can’t stand being infront of a computer anymore today, so all for now.

2009.

Can you believe it’s 2009?! I remember the Y2K chaos vividly…that was 10 years ago. Time flies so quickly, it scares me. One day I’ll wake up and I’ll be 60, probably wondering where all my life went.

Overall, 2008 was a phenomenal year for me, a lot happened: I lived in Madrid, my heart got broken, I broke somebody’s heart, I took an advance Spanish exam, I got certified from the London School of Journalism, I wrote approximately 500 blog posts across 5 blogs, I tried doing my own Bollywood gossip vlog, I watched the musical Beauty and the Beast in Spanish, I went to a mini-running of the bulls event in Valencia, I was in Mumbai for the 26/11 terror attacks, I moved to Dubai, I got a real job, and I bought a car.

I write this today with mixed feelings, and a strange undercurrent of insignificance. December became a serious month of reflection. After the terror attacks, I watched A Wednesday, Mumbai Meri Jaan, and read The White Tiger (I plan to review it soon); and for the last few days, all I’ve been thinking about is Gaza. Recession, and hearing about friends losing jobs is what’s running parallel to world-terror thoughts. So, I’m not so positive about things this January 1, 2009. I suppose it’s a mix of personal and socio-political emotions, both I don’t really know how to deal with.

I have much to be grateful for. I live in a house full of love, I have a great family, and a great job. Nothing else matters, right? But that’s so selfish. That’s what’s overriding my thoughts today. Silly perhaps.

I’m not going to say I want to give-up what I have and take up a cause so that my presence on this planet matters and I help change the world. I don’t know what I want to/need to do.

I’m also still rolling in (selfish) transitional (Madrid to Dubai) turmoil. I need to find new friends and new hobbies to get my spirits back up from neutral to positive. Then perhaps my life can take new meaning, both for me and for the people around me.

Perhaps one place I can start the development of a constructive thought process is my blog. Until now, it’s been a platform to rant and rave about nothing really; it’s been a lazy and selfish attempt at personal expression. Nothing is wrong with that – it has given me vain satisfaction, but steering it slowly towards being a platform of intelligent social conversation is going to be my effort this year.

On that note (assuming I have some readers): What would you like to read on my blog? Any thoughts/feedback, please feel free.

Otherwise, I’m going to focus this year on living, loving, giving, and forgiving. And, not letting the wrong people or things get the better of me.

I wish you all a wonderful and more importantly, peaceful 2009. I hope you keep reading me!

(Oh, and incase you were wondering, I stayed in with Dad last night. We ordered Kerala fish-curry and watched Mamma Mia! Was a quiet, great evening. Missed mum and brother, though.